Like all other relationships, your relationship with your roommate will have its high and low points. Getting along with your roommate is going to require patience, good communication and compromise. These skills can be difficult to master, especially if you've never had a roommate before. Although moving often seems like the only solution to roommate conflicts, this isn't always the best solution. Most roommate conflicts arise when communication and respect break down, or never really begin. Start by learning about the person who is your roommate. The Roommate Starter Kit below provides a number of topics you and your roommate may wish to discuss to avoid problems before they happen. Communicating your feelings and ideas effectively and constructively is an incredibly valuable skill; one that will help you in all facets of your life. The Conflict Solution Tips below can help you resolve most roommate issues before they become serious. Our staff are here to help you. Your Residence Assistant (RA) can help you with support, advice and basic mediation. If the conflict persists, your RA and you and your roommate may work with the Residence Director (RD) to help facilitate discussion and reach resolution. Your Residence Director has the ability and experience to make a determination as to whether a move is necessary or appropriate to solve the problem.

Roommate Starter Kit

• Where is my roommate from?
• What is he/she most looking forward to this year? Least looking forward to?
• What does he/she like to do in his/her free time?
• What about neatness and cleanliness of the room? How much mess is too much? What will we do if one of us does not equally share in the responsibility of cleaning the room/bathroom?
• When is it okay to have guests of the same sex visit? What about guests of the opposite sex?
• If one of us is gone for the weekend, is it okay to have someone stay over and sleep in our bed?
• Under what conditions and at what time of the day or night do we each study best?
• At what times of the day do we each function best?
• How do pressure and stress affect each of us? How do we each react when we're "stressed out?"
• What about borrowing/using each other's belongings?
• What are our individual needs for privacy?
• How will we handle payment on shared items like the refrigerator or toilet paper?
• How much sleep do we each need? What can we each sleep through and what keeps us awake?
• How will disagreements be handled?
• How do we each react when we're angry?
• In what ways are we alike? In what ways are we different? How will these similarities and differences impact our relationship?
• Do any of us have a health problem that the others may need to be aware of?
• What are our individual thoughts and beliefs concerning the use of alcohol?
• What part does religion or personal value systems play in each of our lives and what effect will this have on our living situation?

Conflict Solution Tips

• Try to deal with issues before they become problems.
• Take steps to deal with conflict.
• Communicate your expectations of the relationship.
• Confront the problem, not the person.
• Deal with the issue immediately; don't let things build up.
• Deal with the issue on a one-to-one basis. Don't involve friends, neighbors, parents, etc.
• Speak to each other. Don't leave notes or send emails.
• Express your feelings and needs in a non-blaming way.
• Take ownership for your part of the problem.
• Listen and seek to understand the other person's point of view before giving or defending your own.
• Do not rush in to solving someone else's problem; take time outs when needed.
• Encourage different points of view, controversy, and honest dialogue - and then respect those ideas.
• Focus on what can be done, not what can't.
• Make reasonable, realistic requests of one another.
• Solve the problem and strengthen your relationship.
• Use objective criteria when making decisions.
• If you have tried these steps and it still doesn't work, meet with your RA.